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A Better Way to Bring Balance to Your Life

I’ll warn you- I didn’t write this post the way bloggers are supposed to write posts. I’m supposed to offer you help to fix one of your problems, and not focus too much on myself. Well, you know what? I’m not an expert, and I’m not pretending to be one. Today I just felt like writing about what I’ve been mulling over- finding balance with the things in my life. I do offer some hopeful “here’s what I’m trying out and I think it will work” suggestions. Really I just want you to know that if this is where you’re at in life, I’m here with you.

Mindset matters

Raise your hand if you struggle with balance. I’m sitting here waving my hand wildly. This isn’t what I had planned to write today. As I sat down to write, my thoughts swung immediately to my decluttering progress. I have more to say about where I’m struggling, and where I’m finally winning in that war. There are also plenty of pleas for help to solicit from anyone who knows the secret to getting it all done easily.

Then, I thought I “should” write more about self-care, or parenting, because I’ve not yet touched on those things here on the blog. This segmented, disjointed structure of my thoughts gave me pause. I recognized the way I have these things separated in my mind could affect my ability to ever find balance with them. In reality, each of these things go hand-in-hand.

Being “all-in” isn’t always the best for balance

I’ve had many conversations with people who do the same thing I do, so I know I’m not alone in this. Tell me if this sounds familiar: life is chaotic, and you’re overwhelmed, out of shape, and life just never feels fun or relaxing. You finally get sick enough of one of these things- like your weight. All fired up about finally hitting that goal, you overhaul your grocery list, meal plan like a madman, fit in trips to the gym or at-home workouts, and chug water all day. You spend a larger chunk of your time and energy on this, because your health is a big priority, right?

A few weeks (days? Months?) goes by and you’re sick of always thinking about what you’re eating or not eating. You also notice that your home just feels too stressful and cluttered and you determine you must finally tackle it. You shift all of that energy and focus to this new project, and go all-out sorting, purging, and organizing. Then you realize the kids are struggling with less structure and excess screen time you’ve allowed so you can work, and more guilt emerges. More convenience foods found their way back onto the grocery list to buy time.

‘Round and ‘round the cycle goes, making short bursts of progress that are often undone once focus shifts to a new area. Heavy doses of guilt abound, as you always feel like there is at least one area of your life in shambles.

Slow and steady wins the….quest for balance

Find balance in a slow and steady way
Slow and steady progress beats burnout

I envy people who don’t struggle with this pattern, but also need to accept that this is mine. I am working on making a new pattern in which I can find a reasonable level of balance.

Shifting my mindset to allow slow-and-steady progress has already made me feel better. I think at this stage of my life where I have little ones, it’s the only realistic one. Small changes every day will, in the long run, make a bigger impact than a lot of big starts and stops. Seeing slow but steady progress will be more encouraging than seeing consistent failures every few months.

I’m not so delusional as to think that this means I’ll be giving equal amounts of focus to each area of my life. Some things deserve more energy than others, and some phases will come that will force attention one way or another. Having a routine and habits that keep things moving forward in all areas, however, will leave me in a better place.

Get it in writing

Let me tell you what I’m doing. I’m going to use a system I’ve already found some success with, which is loosely based off the FlyLady routine. Here’s an example of a checklist I created to start a routine about six months after the twins were born.

Create balance by using a checklist for priority tasks
Rudimentary checklist for daily tasks

As you can see this is mostly related to cleaning the house. While there are many times I don’t get every single item every single day, it has helped some of these tasks become automatic. What I plan to do is use this same format but add in the highest priority items from each “category” I want to adjust. For me, that is parenting, homeschooling, self-care, and personal pursuits. For you, it could be writing, resting, reading, weight loss, furthering your career or education, etc. I really think this format can be used no matter the goal.

Once I make a final copy I’ll update you all, but for now these are the things I have identified to add in beyond the cleaning tasks. These are things I need to prioritize before I fit in any other extras.

  • Read aloud to the kids
  • Homeschool lessons
  • Get outside with the kids
  • Drink ½ body weight in ounces of water
  • Have at least one high protein/high nutrition shake each day
  • Daily dance party with the kids
  • Spend at least 15 minutes writing

Surely I’ll find more balance in my life if I can touch on most/all of these every day. Again, my aim is to simply improve each area. Is there something you’d recommend I add into my daily routine that would bring more balance? What do you find most quickly throws you out of balance? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments or on Facebook/Instagram.

Overwhelmed and Disorganized- Not for Long!

If you clicked on the link to this post, I’m guessing you’ve got a lot on your plate and you are overwhelmed. Or the things on your plate have consumed you to the point that you wonder if the memories of being able to get it all done with time to spare are just delusions stemming from the exhaustion and overwhelm that is your daily life. Perhaps you are a looky-loo, hoping to get a glimpse into the world of the disorganized.

Either way, I can help. If you are like me, we’ll both know we aren’t alone. I am a card-carrying member of the “desperately trying to balance all of the things I am expected to do” club. I swing back and forth between guilt for feeling overwhelmed and feeling like shaking my fist at the world while yelling I CAN’T DO IT ALL!”. If this is a foreign concept to you, stick around, because over the next few weeks I will share more about how I came to this place.

Breaking down my excuses

Here’s the thing. I know that I am living a common American experience. However, every once in a while I meet someone who makes me realize shamefully that they are doing it all. I mean, come on, Lisa! What is my family supposed to think about me when they see that you get dressed nicely EVERY DAY, and prance around clear floors, figuring out the family’s itinerary a month in advance?

Okay, okay, I suppose it is a good thing that some of you out there have it figured out. Maybe Lisa doesn’t have twins, or can afford a house cleaner, or didn’t have a big life-uprooting change recently. My life may not be just like hers, but I am SO ready to get a handle on things. My aim isn’t to be just like Lisa (who is fictional, by the way), rather it is to be the best version of me that is possible at this time in my life. So, I found some experts (hello YouTube!) and using their experience, deducted the most critical areas for me to focus on. The sources for most of my inspiration:

The Secrets to Success

I’ll go into more detail below, but here’s what I see:

  • Manage expectations– Depending on your situation, you genuinely might need to remove things from your plate. Or if it’s mandatory (like feeding your kids), adjust what that looks like. With the ebb and flow of life’s stages, things might be difficult at times. If your expectations are appropriate, things won’t weigh on you so heavily.
  • Systems– Be strategic about certain routines and habits to create time and space for other things. Once we do something enough times it becomes automatic, and no longer uses brainpower. I need every ounce of available brainpower right now.
  • Declutter– I primarily mean clutter, but this can also apply to social commitments, time wasters, and so on.
  • Focus on the goal– If you don’t know what you are aiming at, you’ll probably never hit it. When overwhelmed, you may lose focus on anything but what’s right in front of your face, even if its not important.

I’ll stop with four, because I’ve got things to do, you know. Courtesy of the twin toddlers, there is a mound of snack discards on my dining room floor, taunting me from my bedroom.

Messy pile of half-eaten snacks thrown on the floor by twin toddlers.
Snack Time Aftermath

Managing Expectations

This is something I have found to be very difficult. Logically I know I need to do it, but in practice I find myself measuring myself by extremely high standards that fit my OLD life. The one where my husband didn’t work long night shifts and where I worked outside of the home and had half as many kids, and the two older boys went to daycare. In those days, I received praise at work then went home and had ONE meal to make. The house was still neat because nobody was in it all day. Now, things have changed, and I need to re-prioritize.

I must be mindful every day to be sure that I spend energy on the most important things first. If there is any left over, then I can choose to fit in extra things. My priority items are 1) The kids’ health and happiness 2) Creating a home environment that facilitates comfort and creativity, and 3) My own health and growth. I’ll write more about each of these things in separate posts.

Systems

The executive assistant in me LOVES to create systems. I love to follow systems. My inability to execute these plans at home baffles me every day. Why can’t I, you ask? I’ll tell you why. They are 7, 5, 1, and 1 years old. No matter what I choose to work on, they are busy undoing the work from the previous hour.

So, since I’m not going to run away to live alone a beach house where I can organize to my heart’s content, I need systems simple enough the kids can learn too. I imagine their teen years will be more manageable if I train the slovenly habits out of them.

Simple systems- what are those? To me, at this current stage of life, it is as simple as expecting shoes to be taken off by the front door. I instituted this rule a few months ago, and I can’t tell you how many minutes a week this saves. No more last-minute “Mommy, do you know where my shoes are?” as we head out the door. I remind the boys every once in a while, but it is now an automatic habit.

Declutter

My mind jumps to decluttering, because in my world, when I think about what extra stuff is getting in the way of feeling peaceful in my home, it’s our overwhelming abundance of belongings. My kids are WONDERFUL and I enjoy spending time with them. I am not the least bit lazy and spend hours cleaning each day. When I look around at the end of the day, however, you’d never know. The toys I put back on the shelf at least three times lay strewn across the floor. Random clutter resides on every flat surface. Overwhelmed doesn’t quite cut it when describing the feeling I get when I see it.

Baby and kid toys strewn across a living room floor.
Toys on Every Surface

I can hardly blame the kids for not knowing where to put things, because frankly, I’m not sure there is a place to put some if it! I have started on a decluttering journey, and though I’ve only gotten a small (yet profound) taste of the benefits so far, my heart wants this on grand scale. Am I the only one sick of shifting items around during the day…items that are useless or damaged or just have no permanent home?

Focus on the Goal

My goal is to get my home and our schedule into a place where it does not take me hours each day to keep it tidy. Our home will be calm yet joyful and we will have what we need but not overwhelm ourselves with “stuff.” I will spend less time managing the home’s “inventory” and therefore have the time and space in my life for what is most important. My family will play and learn and grow together. I will be overwhelmed with peace.

Imagine that…can you? It’s been a while since this has felt possible, but I’m starting to see it! What are you goals? If you’ve reached yours already, please comment and share how you got there or how it’s changed your life. There are many of us out here just trying to get a handle on things, and your success lets us know it’s possible.