Category: Homemaking

Decluttering- I Worked so Hard, Why is the Mess Back?

I’ve posted before about how amazing the results of my decluttering efforts have been (even at the very beginning stage). Those things are still true, but I’ve got something to show you. Just keep in mind, it doesn’t mean what you’ll think it means.

Clutter on Countertops
Clutter that accumulated after two “days off”

System Breakdown

This is the result of at least two things: system breakdown, and “I clearly haven’t gotten anywhere close to decluttering enough.”. Two days of going off-schedule and off-routine because my husband was off of work. That’s all it takes. Now, anyone who knows me would laugh if anyone described me as rigid, regimented, Type-A, etc. I am obviously (see photos) not. I’m starting to lean more that way lately when it comes to this- this need to adhere to the schedule. I notice that if I deviate from my routines at all, this is the result. I feel defeated, tired, and like all of my effort these past months was for nothing. When I take a step back, however, Logical Lindsay can remind me that even if things get crazy for a minute, it’s getting better and will continue to get better.

Here’s how I know things are better than before:

  • When I look around at everything that is out, I can immediately identify where it needs to go. Before, a special kind of anxiety would surface that was saved just for the “what in the world am I going to do with all of this” feeling.
  • Because I know that I have systems in place to help prevent this buildup from happening (to this level…trust me, my kids are always at work), it’s not AS stressful as it used to be when this happened daily.
  • My routine of nightly tidying means that I know that tomorrow when I get up, it will be a fresh start. The annoyance of the mess today doesn’t have to carry over into tomorrow.

Here’s how I know things will continue to improve:

  • I’d guess my family doesn’t need at least half of the items lying around. Now, if you’re a family member and you see something in a picture, this doesn’t mean I’m getting rid of these specific things. What I mean is, if we have six water glasses laying around the kitchen and dining area, but only two people using the “big people cups,” perhaps we could use a system where we know that we already have a glass out and which one is ours. Rocket science, I tell ya.
  • I will continue to reduce the number of items I’m responsible for managing. People in our lives may have opinions on how much we should have on hand, whether it’s dishes or books or toys or clothes. Only we can decide what we are willing to take care of. If you have to spend time you don’t have to take care of things you only have because you would otherwise feel judged or guilty, then it costs too much. Get rid of it. How you do that is up to you and your ethics and opportunities, but it doesn’t need to be in your home any longer.
  • As I try out systems within our family, I will make sure I am not the only one who knows and uses them. Yes, there will be some that are just me (like the cleaning I do after the kiddos are in bed), but many others should just become habits for the entire family. Clearing dishes after eating, shoes off at the door, leaving an area clean before you move on to the next activity, etc. These things are all “systems.” Once they become habits, they just happen without requiring thought, which creates capacity to learn new ones.

Emotional Ups and Downs of Decluttering

Please remember, I am very early in my journey to achieve some sort of easy-to-maintain state. I have noticed already that there is a cyclical pattern happening. It looks like this:

Decluttering cycle
My cycle of decluttering progress

I got rid of a lot of excess stuff and I don’t miss any of it so far. I could hardly even tell you what I parted with. You may find, like me, that after you’ve adjusted to the new norm you’ll suddenly feel like you’ve gone backwards. Perhaps you bought new items. It’s also likely you’ll simply notice how many other things are more in the way than they are contributing anything.

Just a few weeks ago I donated a large number of items and felt such an immediate improvement. I now see toys that I chose to keep during the last purge, ignored and yet still in the way. Kitchen tools sit unused in my cupboards, taking up space that could be used to store other items. Since I last weeded out the too-small kids clothes, they’ve grown and I need to do it again.

Will the decluttering process ever end?

Once I’ve gone through this cycle enough times, here’s what I think will happen. Each time I sort through my things, I’ll remember that I wished I’d have gotten rid of more last time. I will be able to call up the feelings of relief that came before, to push me to do more this time. I’ll get to a place where I’m comfortable with the amount of items I’m responsible for on an ongoing basis. Keeping up with weeding out things that come in the home won’t be such a daunting task. Sorting through school papers/mail weekly, removing clothes that are outgrown quarterly, etc., are tasks well-suited to add to a calendar.

I wish I could just block out a week and go through the whole house at once. I think we all hope for the opportunity (aka time) to do it this way. I’ve never had that happen, however, and I’m guessing you haven’t either.

Let’s just keep going, little by little, until we get there. It’ll be worth it.

Why Declutter? Find Time and Freedom

Are you in a season of life where keeping up with the cleaning feels impossible? Are you drowning in mess but have no time or energy to declutter? If so- read on. I’m just getting out of that boat. Hear my story, know you are not alone, and get some practical tips for making quick progress that will make your daily life easier.

I delivered twins a little over a year ago. I am only now feeling capable of simplifying our space. Not all in a day, mind you, but I first knew I could manage 30 minutes here and there on a consistent basis once the twins finally slept through the night. It wasn’t as if the build-up of clutter had only started bothering me. Oh, no. It stared at me from every surface as I went about my day. Complete and utter physical and mental exhaustion put a little damper on my ability to deal with it. I have two other children who obviously also need love and attention and enrichment. If I had free time, I had to give them that, not spend time going through closets.

Why is there so much stuff everywhere?

For some background, the house we are living in belongs to a family member, and they still keep quite a bit of their belongings in the house (some of the bedrooms for storage, coat closets, etc). This is entirely their right, but it has presented a challenge as to what to do with our belongings. Finding space for things like out-of-season clothes, the vacuum cleaner, Christmas decorations, extra paper towels, and so on, isn’t easy. Plus, I have clothing in approximately five sizes to accommodate the wild weight fluctuations I tend to have.

After a period filled with frustration at myself, and honestly sometimes my family, for things getting messy just hours after I’d organized them, I ran to Google. “Organizing kids toys.” “Storage solutions for small spaces.” “Cleaning routines for busy moms.” I must have spent hours trying out different techniques. Ways to fold clothes to fit more in a drawer. Stack items in bins so they all fit in a cupboard. Fit more stuff in smaller spaces. You get the idea. After a while, it sank in. It was not possible to keep as many items as we owned if my goal was to spend less time cleaning. Not with four young children anyway.

Must declutter if you want to spend less time cleaning

Don’t declutter until you’ve done this

The very first, most important part of beginning the process of ridding your home of clutter is to envision what it will be like when simplified. Imagine getting a call that someone is in town and would love to stop by, and it would only take 15 minutes or less to get things back to a state where you’d be fine with company seeing your home. Imagine your kids being able to keep their room clean. Or using your “free” moments during the day to have a cup of coffee, or tend a garden, or read a book instead of cleaning up messes.

Please, don’t think for a minute that I have, or think you should have an immaculate home with no signs of real life inside. My kids drop food (ALL OVER THE PLACE). I am not a great decorator. My vacuum stays in the hallway most of the time because it’s easier to vacuum up the aforementioned crumbs when it’s easy to reach. I have a basket for laundry in the living room since I often change the twins there. It’s all about making your home and your lifestyle fit YOUR needs.

Declutter every room. Make solutions that fit your family.
Laundry basket in living room

I think we can all agree that one thing we need is more time to do things we enjoy. Perhaps you need more time in the day to take care of yourself. I do! I took time to put lotion on after a shower maybe once or twice a month in the year after having the twins. No shame in my game, man. It was survival mode. Now that I’ve started on this journey, I now have time to lotion. You’re welcome, hubby.

What should I declutter first?

Now, I still don’t have much “free” time. When I chose where to begin, I knew that starting in the most-used or visible areas first would have the biggest impact on my morale. When you start with a shelf in a closet in a guest room….you do all the work and then feel like nothing changed in your daily life. I wanted immediate results. Also, quite frankly, I wanted my family to also notice and give me the accolades I so deserve. For me, that would be most impacted by paring down our toys. If you are starting this journey, trust me. Pick a place/type of item that you find yourself cleaning over and over and over.

I know I’m not the only parent in the world dealing with too many toys. It certainly feels that way though, when you see glimpses into other people’s tidy homes. Blocks and science kit pieces and action figures covered my sons’ floor in their bedroom. Baby toys covered the floor in the living room and dining room, despite me putting them back on the shelves and baskets several times throughout the day. Obviously I knew there were too many toys. I had several problems which paralyzed me, however:

  • Few opportunities to work on decluttering long enough to complete the task
  • Guilt over missing out on money if I didn’t sell a lot of the items
  • Guilt over the idea of not sorting the toys well enough prior to donating (making sure all the pieces were there, sets were together, etc)
  • Fear of making my children sad

These are all valid concerns! Nobody wants to be responsible for a child’s tears when the toy he picked out at the thrift store is missing half of the pieces. It would certainly be nice to make back a few dollars on toys you spent hard-earned dollars on. Plus, what if your child is scarred for life to no longer have that toy that they forgot existed? But wait! Don’t lose focus of why you want this to be over quickly! The ongoing cost to your quality of life may be enormous if you let it linger. Free yourself!

Get it over with

I had several false-starts with our toy situation. At least twice, I went in with big black garbage bags and scooped up toys that I said I would pull back out to sort “when I had time” so that I could know what could be sold, what could be given away, and what was garbage. This helped the boys’ room stay clean. But, imagine this, I didn’t ever have time to sort those toys. They sat in the garage, and inevitably, came back into the house a few at a time with the help of two nosy boys.

To move forward and finally see some relief, I had to get over the idea of making money from these toys. For me, with my specific situation, it was not practical. The few times I did list things for sale, the commitment of time to follow up with interested parties, packing all four kids up to meet people in a safe location and not mess with the sacred nap schedule, was never worth the few dollars I would earn. I’m not exactly rolling in dough, either, but even so, it was really not worth the time.

I finally decided to get it over with. My husband had a day off, and I asked him to play with the kids for a few hours while I did a declutter of the toys once and for all. I sorted into the following categories: toys to keep, toys that could still be used by a child, and those that could not. The ones we kept had a place to live in the boys’ room. Those that could went into bags to take to a local homeless shelter. The rest went into the garbage. I loaded them into my van, and dropped them off.

Child's room decluttered
Boys’ room a week since the last pickup

Was it life-changing?

If you consider that since that day, I have not spent more than a minute every week tidying up my sons’ room, I shout a resounding YES! I can’t tell you what a relief it is to finally see a difference. It gave me the confidence that I can one day have a home that I can keep up with. A magazine worthy home? No. A blog-worthy home? Probably still no. A home that doesn’t overwhelm me. Yep.

Overwhelmed and Disorganized- Not for Long!

If you clicked on the link to this post, I’m guessing you’ve got a lot on your plate and you are overwhelmed. Or the things on your plate have consumed you to the point that you wonder if the memories of being able to get it all done with time to spare are just delusions stemming from the exhaustion and overwhelm that is your daily life. Perhaps you are a looky-loo, hoping to get a glimpse into the world of the disorganized.

Either way, I can help. If you are like me, we’ll both know we aren’t alone. I am a card-carrying member of the “desperately trying to balance all of the things I am expected to do” club. I swing back and forth between guilt for feeling overwhelmed and feeling like shaking my fist at the world while yelling I CAN’T DO IT ALL!”. If this is a foreign concept to you, stick around, because over the next few weeks I will share more about how I came to this place.

Breaking down my excuses

Here’s the thing. I know that I am living a common American experience. However, every once in a while I meet someone who makes me realize shamefully that they are doing it all. I mean, come on, Lisa! What is my family supposed to think about me when they see that you get dressed nicely EVERY DAY, and prance around clear floors, figuring out the family’s itinerary a month in advance?

Okay, okay, I suppose it is a good thing that some of you out there have it figured out. Maybe Lisa doesn’t have twins, or can afford a house cleaner, or didn’t have a big life-uprooting change recently. My life may not be just like hers, but I am SO ready to get a handle on things. My aim isn’t to be just like Lisa (who is fictional, by the way), rather it is to be the best version of me that is possible at this time in my life. So, I found some experts (hello YouTube!) and using their experience, deducted the most critical areas for me to focus on. The sources for most of my inspiration:

The Secrets to Success

I’ll go into more detail below, but here’s what I see:

  • Manage expectations– Depending on your situation, you genuinely might need to remove things from your plate. Or if it’s mandatory (like feeding your kids), adjust what that looks like. With the ebb and flow of life’s stages, things might be difficult at times. If your expectations are appropriate, things won’t weigh on you so heavily.
  • Systems– Be strategic about certain routines and habits to create time and space for other things. Once we do something enough times it becomes automatic, and no longer uses brainpower. I need every ounce of available brainpower right now.
  • Declutter– I primarily mean clutter, but this can also apply to social commitments, time wasters, and so on.
  • Focus on the goal– If you don’t know what you are aiming at, you’ll probably never hit it. When overwhelmed, you may lose focus on anything but what’s right in front of your face, even if its not important.

I’ll stop with four, because I’ve got things to do, you know. Courtesy of the twin toddlers, there is a mound of snack discards on my dining room floor, taunting me from my bedroom.

Messy pile of half-eaten snacks thrown on the floor by twin toddlers.
Snack Time Aftermath

Managing Expectations

This is something I have found to be very difficult. Logically I know I need to do it, but in practice I find myself measuring myself by extremely high standards that fit my OLD life. The one where my husband didn’t work long night shifts and where I worked outside of the home and had half as many kids, and the two older boys went to daycare. In those days, I received praise at work then went home and had ONE meal to make. The house was still neat because nobody was in it all day. Now, things have changed, and I need to re-prioritize.

I must be mindful every day to be sure that I spend energy on the most important things first. If there is any left over, then I can choose to fit in extra things. My priority items are 1) The kids’ health and happiness 2) Creating a home environment that facilitates comfort and creativity, and 3) My own health and growth. I’ll write more about each of these things in separate posts.

Systems

The executive assistant in me LOVES to create systems. I love to follow systems. My inability to execute these plans at home baffles me every day. Why can’t I, you ask? I’ll tell you why. They are 7, 5, 1, and 1 years old. No matter what I choose to work on, they are busy undoing the work from the previous hour.

So, since I’m not going to run away to live alone a beach house where I can organize to my heart’s content, I need systems simple enough the kids can learn too. I imagine their teen years will be more manageable if I train the slovenly habits out of them.

Simple systems- what are those? To me, at this current stage of life, it is as simple as expecting shoes to be taken off by the front door. I instituted this rule a few months ago, and I can’t tell you how many minutes a week this saves. No more last-minute “Mommy, do you know where my shoes are?” as we head out the door. I remind the boys every once in a while, but it is now an automatic habit.

Declutter

My mind jumps to decluttering, because in my world, when I think about what extra stuff is getting in the way of feeling peaceful in my home, it’s our overwhelming abundance of belongings. My kids are WONDERFUL and I enjoy spending time with them. I am not the least bit lazy and spend hours cleaning each day. When I look around at the end of the day, however, you’d never know. The toys I put back on the shelf at least three times lay strewn across the floor. Random clutter resides on every flat surface. Overwhelmed doesn’t quite cut it when describing the feeling I get when I see it.

Baby and kid toys strewn across a living room floor.
Toys on Every Surface

I can hardly blame the kids for not knowing where to put things, because frankly, I’m not sure there is a place to put some if it! I have started on a decluttering journey, and though I’ve only gotten a small (yet profound) taste of the benefits so far, my heart wants this on grand scale. Am I the only one sick of shifting items around during the day…items that are useless or damaged or just have no permanent home?

Focus on the Goal

My goal is to get my home and our schedule into a place where it does not take me hours each day to keep it tidy. Our home will be calm yet joyful and we will have what we need but not overwhelm ourselves with “stuff.” I will spend less time managing the home’s “inventory” and therefore have the time and space in my life for what is most important. My family will play and learn and grow together. I will be overwhelmed with peace.

Imagine that…can you? It’s been a while since this has felt possible, but I’m starting to see it! What are you goals? If you’ve reached yours already, please comment and share how you got there or how it’s changed your life. There are many of us out here just trying to get a handle on things, and your success lets us know it’s possible.